I never thought
by flextronic
Summary: AU. After Storm's death. The Xmen realised how much she meant to them. First chapter Iceman. Second chapter Cannonball. Third chapter Berzerker. Fourth chapter Jubilee. Fifth chapter Kitty. I made some changes to make it clearer. Please R
1. Bobby Drake aka Iceman

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything except for the plot. The characters belong to who they are supposed to belong to.

I never thought you would die.

I don't know what to say. You had been around since the first day I stepped into the mansion and I never realized how empty the mansion seemed without you.

You were always there when I need someone to talk to, when I didn't understand some history questions. (You were the reason why I even bothered to try to be good in history, so that I could please you.) You were more than just a teacher to me, you were more like a mother. Although you were only ten years older than me, you seem to understand so much more. When we couldn't see past our own personal problems, you could always see the bigger picture, and you would always do the right thing.

Although you rarely smiled, let alone laugh. I knew that you weren't aloof, you just didn't, couldn't express your feeling. But you always cared. Even when you were suffering when Dr.Grey died, you still comforted us, helping us to cope. But none of us could help you. It always hurt you see you comforting others, because I knew you longed for someone to lend you a shoulder too. But there was nothing I could do. At least, that was what I told myself to make myself feel better. IfI could turn back the hands of time, I would have surely done things differently. But now its all too late now.

When I had any problems, you were always the first one I turned to, you were the person I trusted the most, even more than myself. I trusted that you could make everything right. You did, and I am always grateful to you for helping me work out my problems with Rogue, we are still a couple now, and it is all because of you.

You were a Goddess. You didn't deserve to die. People say the good people never die. They were wrong. People said the Goddesses never die. They were wrong.

You were a Goddess. You cared. You were brave. You were smart. You were good. You mattered so much to me. You were the mother that loved me no matter what. You didn't deserve to die.

You survived countless battles. Nobody expected you to die. But you died to save the world. You die because you volunteered to inject yourself with the cure of the Legacy Virus. You die to save thousands of mutants.

The day of your funeral, a double rainbow appeared in the sky. They say that when people die, God sends a rainbow to led them to heaven.

You were a Goddess. You died for a noble cause. I guess one rainbow wasn't enough.

We will love you all the way.

I will love you all the way.

Mother.

Love you always,

Bobby


	2. Sam Guthrie aka Cannonball

I never expected that you would die.

We had been through countless battles, we had been through entire wars, but we always survived.

Maybe it was because I was too young, but I never thought for once that anyone of us would die in a battle. After all, isn't that what you told us? That good will always overcome evil, the good will always win. Isn't that what the movies all showed? That the heroes will beat the villains to a pulp and save the world, the prince would rescue the princess and live happily ever after? Maybe Mr. Summers was right, I watched too many movies.

But you died. You weren't supposed to. We had won the war against Apocalypse. You had defeated Apocalypse. We were the Earth's greatest heroes. You were the one who made it all happen. You should have been around to see mutants and humans living peacefully side by side, you should be around when the President gave us all a rank. Yours would have been "Savior of the Earth". But you are not around, not anymore.

And it was all because you tried to save the world a second time.

Before he died, Apocalypse had released the Legacy Virus, a disease that would kill every mutant in the world. Nobody could stop it.

Expect you.

I suppose you found it out by yourself. After all, when Apocalypse tried to turn you against us, he injected something into you, so that you wouldn't die when the Virus killed the other mutants, so that you could continue to serve him.

But he underestimated you; he couldn't turn you against us. You even defeated him, caused his downfall.

But he still released the Virus.

The only cure to the Virus was given to you. You were the only one who could save the thousands of mutants who were infected. To spread the cure, the Professor injected something into you, something that would save the mutants, but kill you.

Yet you accepted it without hesitation. That why we are all gathered here today, dressed in black, to attend your funeral.

It was a beautiful day, the kind of day I had told you I enjoyed the most. It remained me of the long walks we used to take together. There had been no rain, but still a double rainbow appeared. I believe you didn't want us to be sad, you were still watching over us. Everybody cried when they lowered you into the ground. Even Logan looked teary-eyed, not that he would admit it.

The President came again; he gave a beautiful speech about to, how you always put others before yourself and how you sacrificed yourself to save the others. Even he got a little emotional and had to pause a few times. You were given a military burial, the highest honor for anybody.

It has been almost three months. But I still can't believe you are gone. The mansion seems much emptier without you around. Sometimes I forget that you are gone and go to your office to talk to you, but then I realize that you won't be there anymore. I always feel empty and sad. Classes aren't as enjoyable without you and there is much less laughter in the mansion. Although you rarely smiled, you could always make us feel much better. You were like a second mother to us. For some of us, like me, you were the only mother we ever had.

You were always there for me. I am sorry that I wasn't there for you. That I didn't even get to see you one last time. That I didn't get to tell you that I loved you.

I cry almost every night for you, although I try not to let the others see that. I am a boy, boys shouldn't cry.

But you were a heroine, and you still died.

So I guess that makes it okay for me to cry.

Bottom line is, I still miss you everyday.

I don't think I will ever stop missing you. You were the first person who showed me kindness. You were the first person that told me that I mattered to you.

Wherever part of heaven you are at, I just want you to know this…

On earth, you are a heroine.

On earth, you family misses you everyday.

On earth…

A little boy called Sam is misses you…

And that he wishes that he would have a chance, just one chance, to call you…

Mother.

Always missing you,

Sam Guthrie


	3. Ray Crisp aka Berzerker

Goddesses never die. But you did.

You could survive battles, wars, demons…You could survive anything. I never thought that you would die so soon. Just when we had won the biggest war of all times. Just when you had defeated the greatest enemy of all times.

In fact, I never thought that you would not be at the mansion. You were always there when we had any questions. You would always answer them patiently, no matter how dumb they seem to be. I used to ask a lot for dumb questions just to annoy you, but you never got irritated, you never scolded me; you would just patiently answer the questions. And soon even I found myself paying attention in your classes. I even found myself studying to score well in the exams, so that I could please you and be rewarded with one of your rare smiles.

I wasn't exactly "Mr. Nice Guy". I was rude, unfriendly, violent… the list goes on. So I wasn't exactly the easiest guy to befriend. But you helped me, you made me see that there were so many who cared about me, you helped me make friends, and you made me learn how to enjoy life and treasure it, and for that, you would always have a special place in my heart.

I was never good at expressing my feelings; I never told you how much I appreciated your help. In fact, I never even thanked you once for helping me. I f I did, maybe we would have been closer, maybe we would had spent much more time together.

I wasn't a person who believed that there was a heaven. After all the hell I had been through when I was young, it wasn't surprising. But if there is a heaven, no one deserves to be there more than you.

So wherever you are, I hope that you would be happy. That you would understand how I felt about you. How much I had wanted, but could never pluck up the courage, to call you…

Mother

Never forget you,

Ray Crisp


	4. Jubilation lee aka Jubilee

I never believed that you would die.

You were so strong. You were undefeatable. You had just defeated the strongest mutant in the world. You should be celebrating with the rest of us. But no, we were all gathered at the front garden, we weren't celebrating anything, we were attending your funeral.

Although we had just won about the biggest war of all times, it certainly did not feel like it, there were not parties. Although the rest of the world was happy, we weren't. Even when the President came and gave a speech, no one really cared. We might have won the war; we might have saved the world. But we had lost much more. We had lost you. You died.

I wasn't a person who regretted things. I never liked to look back at what I had done. Whatever I had done, it was in the past, it can't be changed, so there is no use looking back. But if there is one thing I regret most in my life, it was not being able to spend more time with you.

I remember the last time I saw you. It was two days after the fight with Apocalypse. You were eating at the dining table. You looked a little ill, but I thought that was just because you were worn out from the fight, so I didn't say anything. I joined you at the table. That was when I noticed that something was very wrong with you. You were shivering. If it had been any other person I wouldn't have thought it was strange, but you couldn't feel heat or cold, so why were you shivering? I asked you what was wrong, but you just smile and said nothing. I didn't ask more, because I was sure nothing would happen to you. There was a first time for everything, after all. So, we just sat there in silence and ate our meal.

When you left the table, you told me that you loved me and whatever happened, that would not change. I just smiled and nodded and said that I loved you too. I don't know why I didn't ask why you said that, I just thought that you were telling me it because we had come close to dying just a few days ago. Although I didn't show it, I was bursting with happiness when you told me that. I had so much more to say, but I just couldn't find the courage to say it out to you. I really regret it now.

But now it is all too late. You were lowered into the earth. I stayed at your gravestone till late into the night, when Logan ushered me back into the mansion. He hasn't been quite himself since you were gone; he misses you a lot, although he never showed it.

I went to sit at the dining table, the last place that I ever saw you. As I sat there, I had the most wonderful feeling. I could feel that you were in the room. You were still watching over us. You were still watching over me.

At that moment, I knew that you were all right.

And we would be too.

Not matter what happens, I will always remember you in my heart…

Mother.

Yours truly,

Jubilee


	5. Katherine Pryde aka Shadowcat

You weren't supposed to die.

You were supposed to be with us, celebrating our win over Apocalypse. You were supposed to be enjoying our win, and not lying in a coffin, being lowered into the earth.

I had never thought that you would die. You were a Goddess. Goddess never die. It was all in recorded in history. I knew that. I was very good in history. I was the top pupil of your class.

I always answered every question in your class. I did that to make you happy. You rarely smiled, but when you did, it could really brighten up the whole room. But I suppose I did it out guilt too. I had seen you crying late in the night, when you thought everybody was asleep. But you didn't know that I wasn't, I would always wake up late in the night and hear you crying. Tiny, suppressed sobs. Dr. Jean's death had hit us all, but it hit you the hardest. She was like a sister to you. When we felt sad, we could always come to you. You were like a harbor; you could shelter us from the elements and make us feel warm. But you couldn't turn to anyone when you needed help, you had to be strong for us. Many times I had wanted to comfort you when you were crying, but something always stopped me. I would always make excuses and think: Not today. Next time, maybe next time.

I should have consoled you, like the countless times you did to me. I could have helped you through your lonely night, but I was a coward, I choose to listen to your sobs but not do anything about it. I would have gone into your room to console you if I was given the ability to travel back in time and go through it one more time.

I should have, could have, would have…

Should have, could have, would have…

But now it is all too late. You are gone. Forever. I will never see you again.

I will never get to be in one of your history classes again. I will never see your smile again. I will never get to see you in your greenhouse, delicately caring for your plants. I will never get to talk to you again.

I had lost my favourite teacher. I had lost my mentor. I had lost a great friend. But what I regretted most was…

I never got the chance, the courage, to tell you that, you were more than a mentor to me, you were like my…

Mother

I miss you,

Katherine (Kitty) Pryde


End file.
